The Cuttlefish Conundrum
by MillionMoments
Summary: Camille decides to try and bond with Richard over his apparent interest in marine biology. Sequel to "A Cephalopod Crime Wave".
1. Past Failures

Title: The Cuttlefish Conundrum

Rating: T

Category: Richard/Camille, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Humour, Cuttlefish

Summary: Camille decides to try and bond with Richard over his apparent interest in marine biology. Sequel to "A Cephalopod Crime Wave".

A/N: Shout out to HeatherTN for the biology advice (which will appear in the next chapter)! This is a sequel to "A Cephalopod Crime Wave" and I suggest you read that first.

Chapter One: Past Failures

* * *

Camille had decided one day that perhaps the best way to get her inherently shy and reserved boss to open up a bit more was not to try and force him to partake in activities of her choosing, but rather attempt to bond with him over his own interests. Interests other than murder that is. The more time they spent together outside of work, the more progress she felt she made in getting to know the real him. Also, it would show willingness to compromise if she did want he wanted for once, and she imagine if they ever did take that step from friendship into something more compromise would be absolutely essential to the survival of their relationship. So far though, all of her attempts had been a failure. Some could even be classified as a disaster.

Astronomy had seemed like such a safe bet. But Camille immediately ran into problems when it seemed Richard was oblivious to the hints she dropped about getting some 'one to one' tuition in the area. She would enquire about his plans, and if he mentioned some sort of astronomical event, try to look as interested as possible. She never got an invitation to join him though, much to her frustration. She was almost certain that it wasn't because he didn't want to invite her, several times she had seen him hesitate in a manner that strongly suggested to her he was considering doing so, it was just that something always stopped him. Probably fear of her rejecting him - she convinced herself it must be that because the idea it might be that he wasn't interested was just too painful.

On an evening she when she knew he was going to be using Lucy, she had decided to just turn up. He reacted quite positively to her presence, and Camille felt quite pleased with herself. In fact she was sure everything was going to go perfectly, Richard had even offered her a drink and invited her to stay and learn how to use Lucy properly. She had accepted immediately, and he went to fetch her a beer. Filled with nervous energy and unable to help herself, she had begun to idly fiddle with the telescope – until suddenly the image had completely lost focus. Stepping back from the telescope she frowned, and then realised that despite the fact she was no longer touching the device, something was still in her hand. Camille looked down at the unidentified component in horror. When Richard came back with beers for both of them, she immediately launched into an apology.

He only half listened, roughly grabbing whatever it was she had broken off from her hand and examining it closely. "Why were you fiddling with it?" He snapped, clearly frustrated. "I told you I would show you how to use it."

Normally Camille would bristle at a response like this, it was obviously an accident and didn't he _realise_ that she was _trying_ to show an interest in something that was clearly important to him? But the anger she expected to swell up did not do so – instead she felt like a small child, because she knew on this occasion she probably _shouldn't_ have been messing about with an expensive piece of equipment. Camille was also very much aware of how much sentimental value the telescope held – Richard was hardly the sort of man to name any old object in his life.

She stared guiltily at the floor, and perhaps something about her stance indicated to him that she was really, _really_, sorry because he gave a small sigh and said, much more gently, "It isn't an expensive part or anything. I'll be able to fix it myself."

"I'll pay for the part," she said instantly but he waved the offer off. Still extremely embarrassed, and realising there would be no stargazing that evening and very little potential for anything else romantic, Camille made her excuses and left quickly. When she thought back on it she did think he had looked like he was disappointed she was leaving, but it was probably wishful thinking.

* * *

When Camille had learnt Richard had studied History at university – which surprised her, she would have assumed it was science – she decided to have a go at maybe learning more about the topic. Casual questioning over drinks one evening revealed his dissertation had been on the legal career of some Roman called Marcus Aurelius, hence why he knew Latin. Though Richard had actually managed to make it sound quite interesting, when she had tried to look him and other similar characters up she had found it all quite dry.

Hoping that Richard would be interested in multiple areas of History, Camille had decided to investigate one of those dates from school that stuck in her head and she knew was actually relevant to the UK – 1066. After learning everything she could about the Norman Conquest, Camille was feeling pretty smug. She had never realised how much influence the French had had on British history.

Perhaps her mistake was phrase it that way when she spoke to Richard.

The two of them had fought about it for an entire weekend. Richard had been indignant at the idea that the French had significantly influenced British culture. Camille pointed out that fifty percent of English words were derived from French, surely irrevocable evidence of the sway the French had had over the English. It had gotten far more intense than she intended, and though at points it had been rather fun, it was hardly what she was aiming for. Camille already knew they were good at fighting – it also seemed to be the main way they flirted. But what she was trying to get them into more situations where they had more deep and meaningful conversations.

* * *

Still, knowing one of the reasons Richard knew Latin had given her an idea. He also knew Mandarin Chinese, and since that was nothing to do with his degree he must be really interested in Chinese culture. When she studied in Paris, she practically lived off Chinese take away – had really gotten a taste for it. There weren't any on the island of Saint Marie though, but Camille had inherited at least 80% of her Mother's cooking skills. Those few ingredients she couldn't find on the island she simply ordered online, though at considerable expense.

The Commissioner had dumped a considerable amount of paperwork on Richard, and Camille knew he would be working at the station late on it, so that was when she chose to surprise him. She packed up beef in black bean sauce, spring rolls, chicken fried rice and sesame chicken into Tupperware and brought it all along to the station, along with a few beers for good measure.

"Hi!" She called cheerfully as she entered. "I thought you might be hungry, so I bought you some food. Can't have you starving for the sake of a few forms."

"Oh?" Richard looked up curiously as she started to unpack. "What is it?"

"I made Chinese food!" She held out one of the tubs, "Spring rolls?"

"Oh," he said again, but this time with a small grimace. "I actually really don't like Chinese food. It just isn't to my taste."

Camille couldn't believe what she was hearing, "You _don't_ like Chinese food? Not at all?"

"Not really. I mean I'm not even a big fan of rice."

"But, but…you speak Chinese!" She protested.

Richard frowned, "Well, you speak English but said you couldn't understand the appeal of Yorkshire puddings so I'm not sure that is a valid argument for why I should like Chinese food…"

Annoyed, Camille threw herself into a chair and snatched up a spring roll. Well if he wasn't going to eat them she would quite happily put them away, a bit of comfort food was exactly what she needed. "Well I assumed the reason you knew Mandarin was because you had some sort of interest in Chinese culture, which would naturally extend to the food."

"No, that isn't why." He said, before going back to his paperwork. Camille had expected a little more than that.

"So why do you know it then?"

"Um," Richard began. "I learnt it as part of an assignment."

"An assignment? With The Met?" She couldn't think of many situations where the language would be necessary, unless Richard had spent some time under cover but he really didn't seem the type.

Richard hesitated, and then said, "No, I learnt it whilst on secondment to another agency."

Now she was really interested, "Another agency? Perhaps an _Intelligence_ agency?"

It was his lack of reply that gave him away, "Oh my God, you were a spy?"

"Christ, no, of course I wasn't a spy!" He spluttered. "I was an analyst, broke codes and things. I mostly whiled away the hours in a dark room it was hardly like an episode of Spooks or something. I was actually quite glad to get away and back into the Police. Look, I'm really not sure I was even supposed to tell you that, so I think we should stop talking about it right now."

"Oh they will hardly be watching you here, besides you haven't given anything away," she said in an effort to dismiss his concerns. "Did you make up codes as well? I bet you did you'd be good at that."

"Camille, I mean it, I'm not going to talk about it anymore! Also, could you put that food away, I never even liked the smell much."

"But…"

"Camille!" There was a firmness to his tone now that brokered no arguments. Disappointed, Camille packed up the food and left him to his paperwork. She resolved to do a little more research before she attempted to bond with him over anything in the future.

* * *

With those failures under her belt, plus a few she didn't even want to think about, Camille had started to wonder if perhaps she should stop trying so hard. Perhaps she should let their relationship just develop at its own pace – even if that pace was _maddeningly _slow. But then she had so enjoyed their outing on the boat, the trip to the lagoon afterwards and the drinks she had been delighted Richard had invited her to. Of course he hadn't followed up drinks by inviting her back to his place, she had never really expected that to happen, but she did feel like they had made progress. So how could she not keep pursuing it?

"When did you start getting interested in marine biology?" She asked when the two of them were alone in the office. He looked surprised by the question, and she supposed it would have seemed to have come out of nowhere.

After considering his answer for a moment, Richard replied, "Actually it came about when I got here and people started stuffing seafood under my nose _all the time_. I felt I should be able to both identify the food I am being offered and know something about its biology. And then I sort of just kept reading around the area, the biodiversity around here is pretty amazing."

"Richard Poole did you just compliment Saint Marie?" Camille asked teasingly.

He shook his head, but not because he was denying it, "I think you know perfectly well that just because I complain about _some_ things…"

"Like the heat, the food, the snakes, the insects, the sand, the lack of real ale…"

"Yes, those are some examples, Camille," He said shortly. It was probably for the best he interrupted her, she could have gone on for some time. "That doesn't mean there aren't things I like."

She leaned forward expectantly, hoping he would start reeling them off, but he did no such thing. "So anyway, that is how I got interested in it in the first place. I'm actually quite glad I didn't eat calamari before, not sure I could now I know how intelligent octopuses are."

Camille considered pointing out that Richard liked Pork, and pigs were quite intelligent, but that could lead to yet another argument. Plus she was also aware that he did have quite high standards when it came to animal welfare – something that had initially surprised her. She would never forget the day he suddenly told her to pull over, and then got out of the jeep to inspect a field of pigs. After finding out who owned the field, he had proceeded to order her to drive up there, and she had watched in surprise as he gave a dressing down to the farmer for not providing his pigs with any shelter from the sun. Apparently pigs could get sun burn…

In asking the question about why Richard had an interest in marine biology, Camille had hoped to get some inspiration of another activity they could do together. Though the answer had been interesting, it hadn't helped in that regard. She'd just have to go away and thinking about it some more, perhaps do a bit of her own background reading. Plus she could always call up that nice Keenan boy in case he had any ideas…

* * *

A/N: Of course the real reason I couldn't have Richard and Camille bonding over Astronomy is that Katedf has already written that series and I couldn't possibly add to it! Check out the "Astronomy in Paradise" series on AO3.


	2. Not Such A Know-it-all

Chapter 2: Not Such a Know-it-all

* * *

Camille actually bumped into Keenan at the market, when she was on her way into the station. She knew she would probably be late if she stopped to talk to him (which would cause Richard to grumble, though he would never _dare_ directly berate her for it) but she considered it worth the risk.

"So," she began, after the usual exchange of pleasantries. "Got any special events coming up at the marine reserve at all? It would be good to have an excuse to drag Richard out there again."

Keenan shrugged, "I've heard vague talk of them holding a fund raising event – but there is some hesitancy since apparently somebody got murdered at the last one. Which nobody told me before I signed up to do my PhD here!"

"Ah, yes, of course you weren't around at the time," Camille realised. "Well don't worry, we arrested all the people involved, I am sure you are all quite safe to hold another."

"Well, that is a relief, they were winding me up about how the police always thought one conspirator had gotten away." Camille gave him a sympathetic look, it must be difficult being the junior member of the staff. Especially when you were enthusiastic about octopuses, rather than the cute marine mammals and pretty fish everyone else likes. Seeing the look, Keenan came over all indignant and said firmly, "Obviously I didn't believe them!"

"Obviously," Camille replied.

Seemingly satisfied he believed her, Keenan suggested brightly, "You could always come do our beginners diving course!"

She shook her head immediately, and Keenan looked disappointed his idea hadn't gone down well. She imagined he was keen to have somebody to chat to about octopuses again. "Sorry, I suggested that to Richard before, there is no way he would ever do it."

"Can you not convince him to be a bit adventurous?"

Camille snorted with amusement. "What you have to understand is that Richard's idea of an adventure is to close his eyes and pick a jelly baby at random!"

"Um, how else do you eat jelly babies except at random?"

"Well, if you are Richard, you spend an agonising amount of time debating the merits and disadvantages of consuming each flavour," she said. Keenan laughed, clearly thinking she was making it up, but when she didn't join him he realised she was perfectly serious.

"Oh," Keenan said. "Well I would have thought you were the sort of woman who could get her man to do anything!"

"He's not my man!" She said, tone alarmed. Not because the thought of it was horrific, obviously, but because any sort of comment along those lines made by Keenan to Richard could bring the whole delicate house of cards that was their nascent relationship tumbling down. "I mean, not like that, we're just….friends…at the moment." Camille seemed to have lost her ability to explain things clearly.

Keenan stared at the ground for a few seconds and just as Camille was considering making her excuses and leaving, he perked up, "I could always take you diving!"

Camille initially thought he was just being nice, than she realised how hopeful and nervous he looked. Did she attract divers or something? He was a sweet boy but at twenty two, really not much more than that. "Oh, that is very nice Keenan, but don't you think I am a bit old for you?"

Keenan gave a great, heartfelt sigh, "Well, I could say something like 'what has age got to do with love' but the truth is there aren't many pretty women who don't think it's weird I like octopuses, so I thought it was worth a shot asking."

Camille smiled at him, feeling rather maternal towards the graduate student all of a sudden, "I am sure there is the perfect young woman out there for you, who simply loves octopuses and squids and all sorts of cephalopods!"

"Actually, I really liked this girl who came to the reserve for one of the diving trips the other day. I hung about for when she was getting back and everything, fully intending on asking her out, but it all went a bit pear shaped when she launched into a rant about being attacked by an angry cuttlefish," he told her, luckily shooting her a grin that gave Camille permission to laugh at the ridiculous image. "I think that was a strong indicator she was not the girl for me! She was really serious about it as well, wanted us to take some sort of action, I did_ try_ to explain why it couldn't be the case but, well…It wouldn't surprise me if she turned up at the station to report the assault!"

"Oh well in that case I better forewarn Richard!" Camille said her goodbyes and hurried off to the station. She reckoned Richard was going to enjoy this story!

* * *

Richard didn't actually grumble, despite her being late, because he was too busy staring intently at the contents of that little metal tin. Now he knew she knew he didn't bother to try and keep it a secret anymore. It also helped that she didn't particularly like them and so there was very little chance she would steal one. Camille was more of a chocolate girl.

"What's the matter?" She asked as she perched herself on the edge of his desk.

He took a few more moments of contemplation before replying, "Well, I always feel the orange ones go best with a cup of tea, which I currently have, but there are only two of those left. There are lots of black ones, but I find they overwhelm the tea, and of course the red ones _are _my favourite so I should probably save those…"

"Why don't you just have a green one?" She cut in, noticing the disproportionate number of those left and hoping not to have to endure his entire sequence of logic, she did after all have news she wished to share.

He cringed, "The green ones are lime flavoured. I know they don't taste particularly like lime but even the knowledge is enough to put me off. I save those ones for when I am really desperate and don't have much choice."

Recalling her earlier conversation with Keenan, with a small smile she suggested, "Oh why don't you just be adventurous, close your eyes and pick one at random?"

Richard nodded thoughtfully, apparently accepting her suggestion, "Yes, not a bad idea, live a little! But…"

"But not too much!" She finished for him with a grin. Richard screwed his eyes shut and delved a hand into the tin, picking a sweet and random and popping it into his mouth without looking at the choice. He chewed, and instantly frowned. "What's the matter?"

"Green one," he said with a sigh – a disappointing end to his adventure it seemed.

"Never mind," she told him brightly. "I have a story that will cheer you up!"

"Oh?"

"I bumped into Keenan in the market -"

"Which is why you were late?"

Ah, so he had noticed. "Yes, that is why I was a _little_ bit late. Anyway he told me this great story about how a tourist came back from a diving trip to claim she was assaulted by an angry cuttlefish and demanding something be done about it!"

Richard had been reaching for his tea, probably trying to wash the lime taste out of his mouth when she declared this and he slammed the mug back down with force. "OH FOR GOD'S SAKE!" He shouted, surprisingly enraged. "What next? A turtle committing fraud? A murderous sea cucumber? A porpoise with nefarious purposes? For Christ's sake it's the animal's bloody territory, they were probably just defending it – that is if she even _was_ attacked and isn't blowing a little curious prod with a tentacle completely out of proportion!"

It was quite sweet, really, his indignation on the creature's behalf. Richard had failed to pick up on one of the key points that she thought he would have taken glee in pointing out, pendant that he was. That meant she had a chance to impress him. "Yes, and of course it is completely impossible she was attacked by a _cuttlefish_."

He sat back, frowning, "Well, no, if it felt threatened it might have attempted to scare her off with behaviour that could be constituted as threatening."

Richard's response meant he must have forgotten something key. So she decided to be more direct, "No, I meant she can't have been attacked by a cuttlefish because there are no cuttlefish in the Caribbean. Or off the coast of any of the Americas."

She received a disbelieving look. "There _must_ be cuttlefish in the Americas. We have them in Europe so why wouldn't they be on this side of the Atlantic? And if she didn't see a cuttlefish what did she see?"

Camille shrugged, she was disappointed (and a little surprised) he hadn't known that fact - meaning he was not going to be impressed by her knowledge after all. "A Caribbean squid probably. They look quite a lot like cuttlefish." She leaned over and typed it into google, indicating the images that came up. "See what I mean?"

"Well, yes…But my point about there must being cuttlefish somewhere around here still stands."

"You don't believe me?" She huffed, crossing her arms.

"No, I just think you're mistaken."

"Which is just a slightly nicer way of saying you don't believe me!" She protested, really quite annoyed with him. But then an idea occurred to Camille, she realised she had a chance to use his arrogance to her advantage. "Why don't we bet on it?"

"You sure? You lost the last one!" He pointed out – clearly feeling confident.

"I won the time before though," she reminded him, and he stopped looking so smug. "Chickening out are you?"

"No!" He said instantly, goaded into denial by her teasing. "So, um, we playing for drinks again?"

"Ye- no, actually," she said, an idea forming. "Not just drinks this time. I think we should bet for _dinner_."

"Dinner?" This clearly surprised him. "Where?"

Camille had a few ideas, but she didn't think anything would be gained by debating it now, "Well whoever wins will pick, how does that sound?"

"Fair, I suppose."

Camille looked at him, expecting him to formally accept the bet, but he still looked hesitant. It was time to force his hand again, "Well are we betting or not?"

Another few moments of thought followed before he suddenly came over all resolved and declared, "Yes, yes, it's a bet." Camille returned to her desk, knowing that Richard would now spend the next half hour (possibly longer) pointlessly attempting to find a species of cuttlefish living in the Americas.

"In answer to your earlier question, by the time the cuttlefish family evolved in the Old Word the Atlantic had become too cold and deep for these warm water creatures to cross." At least, that was pretty sure that was what she had read…

"Camille, first off, I don't think cuttlefish can be called warm water creatures. We have them off the coast of the UK, and as somebody who was repeatedly forced into the North Sea as a child I can assure there is nothing warm about it." Camille couldn't help but smile at the image of Richard as a boy reluctantly splashing about in the sea. "And secondly, that is nearly a direct quote from Wikipedia."

Camille shifted, a little embarrassed he had located her main source of information for her recent research into marine biology. Then said boldly, "Oh so you're on their realising I am right, then?"

"Wikipedia isn't the world's most reliable source of information!" He snapped back, confirming she was right. Camille hoped he wouldn't insist on consulting any academics before he finally gave in.

She was surprisingly patient for the thirty five minutes it took before Richard was ready to admit defeat. It was quite fun watching him getting increasingly flustered as every avenue of investigation repeatedly showed that she was, in fact, correct. Eventually he threw a pen down, and glanced at the telephone, and Camille knew _exactly_ what he was thinking.

"Are you going to call up Keenan just too doubly make sure _you_ are _wrong_ and _I_ am _right_?"

Richard shot her a quelling look, but she just grinned back at him. "No, no, I guess there is no need for that. You win."

"Because I was right," she pointed out again.

Richard, who knew by now exactly what Camille expected from him, quickly acquiesced and agreed, "Because you were right." She gave him one of her best smiles, which seemed to embarrass him. He cleared his throat, "I'll confess I am impressed by your marine biology knowledge."

This pleased Camille even more, and her smile only got bigger. "Oh yes, I've been doing some reading myself, learned quite a few interesting facts"

"You have?" He prompted as he reached for his largely now cold tea, clearly wishing her to share a few.

"Yes, for example, did you know that barnacles have the longest penis to body size ratio of any animal?"

This caused Richard to choke so badly on the tea he was drinking Camille actually got up to pat him on the back and make sure he was ok. She was pretty certain it wasn't caused by disbelief at the fact, it was probably more to do with her daring to say the word 'penis' out loud. Camille resolved to be careful in her choice of conversation topics for dinner. She hardly thought the date would be classed as successful if she caused Richard to choke to death on his starter.

* * *

A/N: Next story in the sequence, _Fruits de Mer_ (unless I think of something more clever) will be up…at some point?


End file.
